The Quiet Struggle Within…
I am truly grateful to my mother in law with how well I was looked after however, there were moments during those early days when, despite being the mother, I didn’t feel in charge of my own baby. Surrounded by well-meaning family and tradition, I often felt more observed than supported. I was being cared for yes - but also quietly corrected, steered and sometimes silenced. It felt as though motherhood was something I was performing, not living. Deep down, I longed for space to bond with my baby in my own way, to learn through closeness, not control.
Intimate questions asked of what was wrong with me, why couldn’t I produce enough breast milk to fill my baby. Then of course the guilt of feeling like a failure because I wasn’t able to do the one basic thing of providing enough milk for my son weighed heavily on me. The question of why was my baby still screaming early hours waking everyone up in the household even though he was fed, burped, had a fresh nappy on and I was rocking and pacing the room. Honestly… the only answer I had was
I DON’T KNOW!
Then we move onto the guilt of me having to go back to work earlier than I wanted. It was hard hearing the harsh comments and judgements about putting my 4 month old into full-time nursery, especially with him spending such long hours there - I felt like it was becoming his second home and it broke my heart. With a daily commute of up to 2.5 hours each way, I knew my son’s sleep was often broken and the mum guilt I felt, knowing he was suffering because of my schedule, was hard to bear. Then came the even deeper guilt of not truly being there for him, as my own mum became seriously ill. I made the difficult decision to leave my job, move back to South Wales, and live with my mother in law so she could help care for my son. I became my mum’s primary carer during that time, while my husband remained living and working in London. It was one of the most emotionally demanding periods of my life - torn between caring for the people I loved most, and trying to stay grounded myself.
So, as you can imagine, it was incredibly hard to feel confident that I was building a secure bond with my son in those early years. I was exhausted, completely sleep-deprived, trying to juggle everything at once. Most days, it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I did the best I could with the support I had, but sadly deep down, I always felt like I was second best to my son - like I just wasn’t enough! It’s taken a long time to repair the emotional cracks and to fill the quiet emptiness we both carried… but we got through it, together. Looking back, I just wish I’d had someone to turn to, someone who could help with sleep, with reconnection, someone to tell me that…
“not being okay was okay!”
I see you, Mum & Dad…
Having a Nursery Nurse background, I understand that working parents will feel a little disconnected to their child as Nursery becomes their child’s second home. My first born was put into full time nursery at 4 months old and unfortunately his nursery hours were my working hours (7am-7pm). As a first time parent I missed out on a lot of my sons ‘firsts’, but I had no other choice as I had to make a living. So I understand mum guilt, I understand how important it is to ensure the emotional connections are secure.
I know the quiet guilt so many parents carry - the ache of leaving your little one at a childcare setting when you’re not sure if they’re ready… when you wonder if they’ll feel confused, if they’ll miss you, if you’re somehow creating distance.
You might worry you’re losing connection - that you’re not “there enough” and when sleep is broken and everyone’s running on empty, that guilt can feel even heavier.
But here’s what I want you to know: Attachment isn’t fragile - it’s resilient. It isn’t defined by perfect moments or being together every second. It’s built through love, presence and the simple, powerful truth that you keep showing up.
I totally get it…
I have been on both ends of this relationship… the guilty parent that has no choice but to put her son into Nursery and the role of a child’s Key Person. Even though my son was in the same building as me, I still felt that I wasn’t there for him, when he needed the extra morning cuddles from me but instead I was providing a service for other people’s children and trusting that his key person would give him the warm cuddles that he needed. But then I know that those special bonds between a key person and a child can be so secure from day one. A key person is essentially a child’s ‘Nursery Mum/Dad.’ And the hard fact is that parents need to make a living to provide for their family and give their child(ren) the best start to life.
I have been that parent that looked like I had it all figured out at drop offs, smiling and waving my son goodbye but then reality was, I felt super guilty because he was still so young. I would find myself in the toilet having a little cry because I wasn’t ready to let him go. But then, at the same time I had to ensure I was all put together again to meet and greet other parent’s and children into nursery and give the teary eyed parents the reassurance that they needed to hear so they could walk away with confidence knowing that their most precious little human will be absolutely fine and is cared for in the best possible way.
As someone who’s worked closely with children for over 16 years, being a Nursery Nurse it’s not just a job, it’s taking on each and every child like they’re your own. I have seen the beauty of strong key person bonds - those safe, caring relationships that help children feel secure when they’re away from home.
But please hear this…
You’re not disconnecting. You’re doing your best to give them what they need - care, structure and a world that expands gently. You’re showing up, in all the ways that count, even when it’s hard. That massive smile that you get at pick up is all worth the worry and stress!
And attachment? It’s not broken by nursery drop-offs or tired moments. It’s built over time - through love, presence, hugs, and your deep desire to understand and support them.
I want families to understand that I have been exactly where they are, feeling the guilt and anxiety of having to leave your little one at a childcare setting and feeling second best because your little one seems to love their key person more than you.
But I want to gently remind you of this: No bond will ever replace the one your little one has with you.
Time for change…
That chapter of my life became a quiet awakening - one that reshaped how I support families today. It showed me how important it is for parents to feel trusted, heard and supported in their own unique journey - without pressure or judgment.
As a mother and now an infant sleep consultant, I’ve chosen a different path - one that honours my roots but moves with more gentleness. I believe in sleep support that is responsive, respectful and free from shame. One that uplifts parents, instead of pressuring them with perfection and one that treats each little one not as a problem to fix, but as a person to understand.
Becoming a parent has opened my heart to a different way. One where trust is built through responsiveness, not rigidity. One where nurturing doesn’t weaken a little one, it strengthens their confidence. One where gentle boundaries can coexist with deep respect for both little one and parent.
I carry my cultural roots with me always. But I’ve also chosen to evolve - taking the best of what I was given and reshaping it into an approach that honours connection, calm and emotional safety. This is what I offer to the families I work with: a space where tradition meets tenderness and where your little ones well-being leads the way.
That’s why Hush and Hugs is here for you….
Not just to help your little one sleep better, but to help you feel closer, more attuned and more confident in your connection, no matter what situation you’re in.
Over the years, I’ve worked with hundreds of families in nurseries and now through sleep support. I’ve seen every kind of sleep struggle - and every kind of tired parent and I approach each one with compassion, not judgement. I believe in listening first and creating gentle attachment - respecting sleep plans that work for your unique baby, your parenting style and your life.
As parents, we pour so much love into every decision we make - especially when it comes to our little ones sleep. But even with all that love, it’s common to feel uncertain. “Am I doing this right?”, “Why isn’t this working?”
Second guessing yourself doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you want the best for your little one(s) and you are trying your hardest - even when things feel overwhelming.
At Hush and Hugs, I hold space for all those feelings. I know that sleep challenges aren’t just about schedules or settling techniques - they’re about emotions and the real experience of parenting in the early years. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself!
I will never ask you to ignore your instincts. I will never suggest leaving your baby to cry-it-out. And I will never shame you for how you’re coping right now.
Instead, I’ll walk beside you with calm, supportive strategies that create real change - through connection, not control. Because every family deserves sleep - and even more than that, you deserve to feel confident, supported and truly connected to your child along the way.
A hush of calm in the chaos, and the reassurance of a hug when you need it most.
